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What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

December 18, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s had a trying year. Deep in thought en route to his exclusive mountainside retreat in the Catskills, the Paco Camino Man speeds past snow-covered fields in his private rail car with his devoted woman. Sharing a bottle of rare vodka, he’s suffering from the devastating loss of his best friend’s life, and recently shaken to the core by the callous actions of a once noble lifelong colleague. But somehow, despite all the wearing & tearing, the Paco Camino Man still dresses like a mastodon of manliness—check out his cognac raccoon coat from New York City’s Barlan Furs, ribbed turtleneck by Pringle of Scotland and $2,000 caramel leather pants from Rafael Fashions. Like high fashion, grief and loathing have a shelf life. One day, he knows, the ice age will melt.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He can bullshit his way out of anything. Though she’s skeptical about his preposterous excuses, she’ll always forgive the Paco Camino Man. Bringing her back to their glory bleacher days (with strong mixed drinks), he’ll casually explain to her that a random roller skating bowling alley waitress innocently lost her bra down inside his pants when she accidentally fell on him serving a tray of drinks last Friday. And the simple explanation for his disappearance until Sunday was that he, uh, was helping a friend move. Also there was no phone service where he was because of a freak, unreported electrical storm that caused a power outage. And as far as the naked woman found living in his car last week goes, “she was merely a disoriented day hiker that wandered away from a nudist colony and needed shelter. That’s all.” Oh yeah, off the hook again.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

October 26, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s your boogeyman, turn him on. Hey, he may not have any social skills, but he’s a real cutup with the ladies. Granted he might also have some deep-seeded stalking issues after stabbing his sister to death on Halloween night in her bedroom 15 years ago. Confined to a sanitarium ever since, he’s decided to come home for Halloween. So really, is it his fault he stole a car and broke into a hardware store to steal a mask and some knives? People need those things. His only other social faux pas was maybe knifing a few horny teenagers and digging up his sister’s headstone from the cemetery and placing it on a bed with the corpse of some teenage slut. The Paco Camino Man. He can survive any injury, endure terrible film sequels and put up with imitators like Camp Crystal Lake’s Jason Voorhees and that bum Freddy Krueger from down on Elm Street.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

September 9, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s a total chick magnet that would have his own killer theme music, but it’d be so freaking awesome, you’d never want to hear music again, and shit, that would ruin it for everyone. And whatever you do, don’t bring up his mysteriously hypnotic eye patch. Let’s just say because of an astonishing billiards accident, the word “pool” exists only as a swimming reference, and he needs a complete re-racking after seeing cable reruns of The Color of Money. The Paco Camino Man. He’s a complicated soldier of fortune that makes MacGyver look like a clueless dipshit that couldn’t figure out a condom at a prom after-party held at a whorehouse in Vegas.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

September 4, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s totally rad. Posing with his bodacious half-naked warrior babe and boss fire-breathing dragon Vallejo, this ripped studmuffin shops to the max at Chess King. Occasionally he’ll scope out Merry Go Round while listening to Ratt’s Dancing Undercover cassette on his Walkman, but fer sherr, that’s only when he’s desperate for a gnarly studded leather belt to go with black nylon parachute pants. Did I mention the Paco Camino Man has bitchin’ fireproof hair? Well, he does. And it’s awesome.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

August 23, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He gives fabulous 20-minute workouts in the driveway. Now you may be thinking, “I dunno, this guy looks full of beans for a PC Man.” Trust me folks—he’s all man. Paco Camino Man. A self-described closet poof, he’s an effeminate aerobic instructor with big, soft, comforting hands, and sometimes he can get as excited as a flaming hairdresser singing “Beauty School Dropout” at a Grease convention, but that hardly suggests he’s a kielbasa connoisseur. And don’t let his tight tank top and package-accentuating jean shorts fool you either, this soft-spoken stud can really put it where the sun don’t shine. Aerobically speaking. The Paco Camino Man. Neither sexually ambiguous or suspiciously bi-curious at all. I think. There’s some confusion here. Well anyway, Cheryl & Sandy are two smoking hot chicks working up a sweat with Sven and you are not. So eat your heart out there, hater.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

August 19, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

His name is Boris and he’s a badass motherfucker. Ruler of the high seas with a foot long seacock, he’s a sexual legend of the deep that lets his mythic foreskined first mate do all the talking. Wearing a classic ribbed cardigan made from the fittest wool shorn from marathon-running sheep, the Paco Camino Man always has seafaring foxes rubbing their perfect asses up against his impressive manhood. He picked this one up 20 minutes ago when she flashed him the high beams from the first row at the regatta award ceremony (of course Boris won first prize in record time). With her Toyko tuners set to stun, the Paco Camino Man is moments away from some motorboating below deck. Don’t come knocking if this boats a-rocking.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

August 2, 2010 What Sort of * Reads Paco Camino Comments Off
What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s a soft-spoken Southern gentleman living the good life. Some may say he’s a poor man’s Magnum, P.I. (which is ironic since Magnum is a broke-ass, non-rent paying sponge hanging at Robin Masters estate), but Matt Houston has it all. A successful Texas oil tycoon and sharp-shooting private dick, he’s got a wickedly hot personal assistant in Pamela Hensley, owns lavish mansions, private jets & helicopters, a fleet of exotic cars and tons of state-of-the art gadgets. He even has a Commodore VIC-20 computer with a database of all persons living or dead! And the big sexy lug is a humanitarian too. Why just today this studly Paco Camino Man was gracious to let Hawaiian Tropic hold a bikini contest at his estate in LA, and if that weren’t enough, he even volunteered to be a judge.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s a word class photographer that considers getting stripped down by hot models an occupational hazard. But don’t get this studly lensman wrong, because when it comes to business, he always delivers the money shot. That’s why he only uses the best cameras–a Nikon F2 Photomic, Leicaflex SLR, Hasselblad 500 C/M and a Honeywell Pentax Spotmatic F, not to mention top-notch lenses like Zuiko’s 135mm and Nikkor’s 500 mm F/8 Reflex. Plus no shoot is complete without Rollei lighting units, Reflectasol umbrellas, Minolta’s Automater Professional light meter (with a nifty eye-level finder) and of course Kodak film. The Paco Camino Man. When he shoots, he scores.

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

What Sort of Man Reads Paco Camino?

He’s a pistol-packing pedal-pusher slipstreaming hot chicks messy Fudgesicles. Cruising the park for highly impressionable fat bottomed girls, this horny cycling stud easily breaks away from the pack wearing a clean-fitted, ribbed (for her pleasure) comfort cotton wifebeater tank, burgundy stretch sport trousers (with classic leather belt) and casual Topsiders sans socks. The Paco Camino Man–combine his irresistible charm and hot child in the city looks with a cocksure stamina to force the pace and go the distance, and this freewheeling lothario will victoriously ride you double on his ten-speed back to his bachelor pad for some sweaty French touring. If you catch his drift.

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